


Journal

by neonguts



Category: Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018)
Genre: Journal, Mentions of Gun Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-11
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2019-11-15 09:06:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18070481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neonguts/pseuds/neonguts
Summary: I don’t think anyone realized how reliant they were on Spiderman until Peter died. I didn’t even think about it.Bank robbery? Snore, just wait for Spiderman.Car chase? Eh, just wait for Spiderman.Two busses falling off opposite sides of the same bridge? WOAH! Just wait for Spiderman.And now people are reliant on me.





	1. Chapter 1

Journal entry 1

I’m only keeping a journal because Gwen said I should. And she’s 15 months older than me so she’s probably right (time continues to be relative). She said I should have someone to talk to when she or anyone else couldn’t reach me. Someone who gets it. And I get me better than anyone. 

Alright let’s do this one more time. 

My name is Miles Morales, I was bitten by a radioactive spider, and for the last couple months or so, I’ve been the one and only Spiderman. I’m sure you know the rest: I got an A on my essay, figured out how to fit a cartoonishly huge mallet in my pocket… went to my uncle’s funeral, had movie night with my roommate, his name is Ganke Lee, pretty cute, and went to Comic Con it was AWESOME. 

Anyway.

The day after Peter died, politicians turned into my dad but worse. 

Daniel Legerman said that Spiderman was New York’s “crutch”. Aimee Pomales claimed he was only “barely holding this city up” but they always gave some sort of weak condolences before tearing him to shreds. I’ve never met this dimension’s Mary Jane, but I couldn’t help but feel sorry for her.

When I pinned Kingpin (badumtiss), they started tearing at me. They said I was “immature” and “should be monitored heavier than Parker was”. Well that’s just unrealistic, I move too quickly for them to keep up with. Which is good for me considering my babysitters include the police department, which includes my dad. 

And even then, I didn’t really understand how great the responsibility of being Spiderman was. I mean, I won! I got the bad guy, I was successful! And I knew that was important. And I know that in the first nine days after that I foiled three large scale bank robberies. 

I don’t think anyone realized how reliant they were on Spiderman until Peter died. I didn’t even think about it. 

Bank robbery? Snore, just wait for Spiderman.  
Car chase? Eh, just wait for Spiderman.  
Two busses falling off opposite sides of the same bridge? WOAH! Just wait for Spiderman.

And now people are reliant on me. 

Now that I’m Spiderman, it’s become just wait for Miles.

And that’s hard to deal with. That’s scary. 

I was in the middle of a physics test once, and down the street storms a drop top Porsche with two idiots firing guns into passers by. No cap. Just, willy nilly, not even with any plan or anything, just firing. 

Well, best believe, I sped through that test like my pencil was on fire. By the time I managed to sneak out nine people were injured and one

Being Spiderman is an important job. It’s too important. At least for me. For a couple days after that, I wanted to quit.  
Then, when I was swinging past the store one Saturday, I stopped the lady who ran it from getting stuck up and I remembered how much I need to keep going. 

The people need me! Even people who don’t like me. 

Is that egotistical?  
No. That’s just how it is. 

I’m the only thing holding this city together. And if I’m a crutch then this city’s got a broken leg (I’m SO funny idk why Peter B says I’m not). 

I need to keep getting up even when I get knocked down. Because that’s what we do. 

Uncle Aaron said I’m the best of us. And I’m gonna prove him right. 

Thanks for listening  
Miles Morales


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I used to hit things when I was anxious. I’d just throw a punch at something nearby. I know that’s weird. I stopped when I got bit because my strength got leveled up to 1000. So breathing is good.

Journal entry 4

Ganke’s smart. 

I mean I knew he was because he got into Brooklyn Visions but like he’s super smart. When Miss Parker ran out of web fluid for me he synthesized some more. He even made me better web shooters. 

He’s also really nice. He says ‘I love you’ a lot.

But this isn’t about Ganke. 

This is about my suit splitting open in front of everyone. And because it’s me and I have bad luck, the back end split. And it was like I was pantsed by the Green Goblin (bc I was fighting him at the time) 

And what sucks is that I didn’t realize until I was leaving and someone shouted “rubber duckie underwear, Spiderman?” BECAUSE I LIKE RUBBER DUCKS I THINK THEY'RE CUTE. 

And then to rub salt into my wounds a breeze came by and I flinched super hard and I was like “yeah I gotta go home NOW”.   
I was swinging away and a bird hit me. 

Being a superhero is embarrassing. 

Miss Parker sewed my suit back up. Speaking of which, I’m learning a lot from her. She’s teaching me how to drive the Spider buggy when I turn 15! Even though that’s… a year away, we’re gonna focus on the positive. 

Sometimes I feel like people are looking down on me because of my age. I mean, they don’t know for sure how old I am, but they know I’m smaller than Peter Parker. Mami says that Morales...es are late bloomers. 

But I’m tougher than the average 14 year old. I have to be.  
I hope this superhero business isn’t getting to my head. 

I ran into Peter Porker the other day. Idk how he got into our dimension again but he was watching Looney Tunes and shouting about the classics. I introduced him to Ganke. He almost fainted. 

I visited uncle Aaron’s grave today. I haven’t cried in a while, but I couldn’t help it. 

That about sums up the last week’s events. 

I realized a weird thing about being a superhero. I’m hypervigilant. 

I barely sleep, I’m always looking over my shoulder. I feel like I’m being watched all the time. I’m always sweating and breathing heavy. I talked to Miss Parker and she said she’s not a psychiatrist but to talk to my mom, so I did. Obviously, I didn’t tell her about my powers or anything, just about my anxiety. She said I was paranoid and suggested I do some breathing when I feel that way.   
Not the heaving I’ve been doing, but just breathing. In and out. 

It helps. 

I used to hit things when I was anxious. I’d just throw a punch at something nearby. I know that’s weird. I stopped when I got bit because my strength got leveled up to 1000. So breathing is good. 

Miles Morales


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> People rely on me, Mami, Dad, Ganke, Miss Parker. People expect things of me. Uncle Aaron expects a lot of me. I can’t let him down. But this is just as much about me as it is him. That didn’t make any sense, dear God. What I’m trying to say is: I have a responsibility to both the people I’m trying to protect and myself. I owe it to myself to keep fighting.

Journal entry 18

My birthday fell on a weekend this year. Mami threw me a party, which was nice. Dad got me Copic markers, which was cool. Ganke got me a friendship bracelet, which was cute. 

I had to leave the party to stop a bank robbery. I snuck out and back in no problem, but Mami came into my room while I was decompressing. I was out of suit, thank God. But I was sobbing like a baby. 

I think crying is good for you. I think we should do it more often. People say that boys shouldn’t cry. Well, I’m a boy and I cry. Dad cries. Uncle Aaron cried. All the men in my life cry. So I can. 

I’m not depressed, or at least I don’t think I am. I’m anxious, though. Very anxious. I worry about my job as Spiderman, school, my family. 

I hate it. I hate having sweaty palms and stuttering. I hate lying to people. It’s so stressful. My chest hurts all the time. I have trouble falling asleep. 

I had that dream again. The one where I’m falling from the Statue of Liberty and can’t thwip and swing to save myself. Right before I hit the ground I wake up screaming. 

Everyone watches me fall, shouting “FLY SPIDERMAN! FLY SPIDERMAN!” 

When I’m particularly stressed, after a dream like that, I like to swing through the city, fall from the rooftops and save myself. People are always like “AHHH SPIDERMAN WHAT ARE YOU DOING” and I’m like “lol chill it’s Gucci ;)” 

Man, I feel so relaxed right now. This is gonna be a short entry because it’s nearly midnight and I’m on patrol. I don’t sense anything happening in the vicinity and did you know that real spiders don’t have a “spider sense”? I don’t know why I… why we do. 

I forget that I’m not alone until a hole in the space time continuum opens up and Peter B Parker flies through a space hole at a billion miles per hour. Last time that happened was last week and he and I hit up that burger place he liked. I didn’t eat anything because I noticed the C rating from the FDA… 

Anyway. 

I haven’t been this content in a really long time. I feel like things are finally balanced. School, family and Spiderman are all equally important and perfectly stacked up on the plate. With any luck I’ll keep it that way. 

That’s pretty much all that’s new with me. 

Except I saved a cat from a tree like any good superhero would do. Heaviest cat I ever lifted. Also I’m allergic to cat fur. 

My breathing exercises are the truuuuth. I feel so zenned out when I’m just breathing. Mami got me a therapist and he told me he commended my efforts towards bettering my situation by myself and I nearly cried again. Because it’s true! I am trying to better myself! I do deserve some credit for my content-ness. Is that a word? 

Being Spiderman isnt easy. It’s up there with some of the hardest jobs in the world if you ask me. But I do it. 

People rely on me, Mami, Dad, Ganke, Miss Parker. People expect things of me. Uncle Aaron expects a lot of me. I can’t let him down. But this is just as much about me as it is him. That didn’t make any sense, dear God. What I’m trying to say is: I have a responsibility to both the people I’m trying to protect and myself. I owe it to myself to keep fighting. 

So let’s do this again. 

My name is Miles Morales. I was bitten by a radioactive spider, and for the last year, I’ve been the one and only Spiderman. 

And I’m the best of us. 

Miles Morales

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed. Should I continue?


End file.
